i was hesitant to post here, mostly because i started my own writing blog on notion, though, i think that it's probably best for me to get away from the A.I. ridden muck that is enmeshed within it. blogs used to be, and i suppose still are, depending where you post or why, something that require a lot of forethought, effort, and planning. now it seems that we're all running micro-blogs about our day to day lives because of the advent of social media. especially twitter or whatever clones start popping up. i remember the days of "vent" and "peach", and now i've found myself on a little app called "egge". it fills a similar void of those previous apps, still a form of microblogging, letting others know you're alive, giving you access to spew your guts at a moments notice.
i talk about that as if it is a bad thing, but i honestly cannot understate how important these kinds of apps were to me growing up, and even now. it was like a bit of evidence that i was even alive. especially with how turbulent my life was and has has been. it was nice to have a journal that technically was infalliable. though, the advent of those two apps, particularly vent, shutting down was a reminder of how temporary things like that truly are. it made me take up "analog journaling". that's pretentious, i mean just journaling. that's been rewarding in it's own way, though i can't say my wrists and unstable finger joints exactly love it. i think it's more cathartic than the mechanical click of the keyboard, sometimes. the effortless swap between colored pens and the ability to doodle little pictures in the margins wasn't something i thought i needed. it feels like the things i ramble to myself about are easier to recall, as i've written them and lived them via the extension of my arm. though, again, there is a lack of permanence for me, as a lot of my life has been me running from disaster to disaster and trying to keep my head above water.
i suppose the analog alternative was a bit of rebellion, looking my anxiety in the face and allowing myself to take up physical space in the pages of a notebook. it was something i did when i was young, something i get to do now, in many forms. i used to be so anxious about using up my notebooks as i went through them so much, but now i can't help but find the concept of my consciousness being spread amongst multiple apps, sketchbooks, and websites. it gives me a sort of divinity i didn't really think about until a few months ago. it makes me feel infalliable, permanent in ways that i never felt like i could be.
my life has never really felt permanent, nor has anything around me. i think, truly, a lot of things aren't, but the illusion is comforting.i think everyone is entitled to that illusion, the comfort that they were here. i'm glad to get to particpate in that, and i hope to keep particpating within the age old tradition of taking up space and existing in multiple places imperfectly. :)